Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Future Tales

Staff Reports from Heaven on Recent Arrivals:
Case 784

A really cute and important CEO entered last week, resume in hand. The Entrance Angels read through his material and all thought it quite impressive. So, after the usual plush meal of WhateverYouWant, the illustrious CEO was assigned to the task of getting up each morning at 6 AM and persuading all the birds to start singing.

“Hmm...pretty important job,” thought the CEO.

A few days later he reported back to the Assignment Desk, quite annoyed. “Are you guys pulling my leg?” he complained. “These damn birds don’t need me to persuade them to sing – they’re babbling and warbling on their own even before I get out there.”

“Oops,” murmured the Assignment Angel. “My bad – it was a typo. Forgive me. Your task is quite different.”

“Ok, well – what?” barked the CEO.

“Your task is to get up every morning at 6 AM and listen to the birds sing.”

Friday, August 21, 2009

Future Tales

Practically everyone knows that Heaven is a formless and timeless life space. But few suspect –as I do- that after we shed our bodysuits, there is a Rehab Center through which we all pass prior to our total immersion in the One.

I think of it as a kind of pre-Heaven workshop, where we get prescribed a variety of Mental Rinse treatments. This is to ensure there aren’t any leftover hiccups within us to spoil the silkitude of Oneness.

These Future Tales, then, are my imaginings of what happens to our Souls when they arrive, baggage in hand, at the entryway to Heaven. Well, they are either my imaginings or some rebel angel leaked them to me when the Boss wasn’t around. Either way, here they are.

Reports from Staff Angels on Recent Arrivals:
Case 982

A woman arrived who had spent her life despising fat people. Naturally, she was immediately assigned to a crew of fat angels. In Heaven, angels come in all sizes, and five radiant plumpettes were assembled and sent to her room. When the fat angels entered, the woman stared at them, drawing back as though stung by a wasp.

“I thought everyone in Heaven was beautiful!” she said, aghast.

“Oh yes,” the head fat angel assured her, “everyone here IS beautiful. And here’s the good news,” she continued gently, stroking the woman’s cheek, “after two weeks in our Vision Therapy program, you’ll be beautiful, too.”

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Future Tales

Case #782
Staff Reports from Heaven
Case 782

Last week we admitted a highly intelligent and creative thief, one who had never actually been captured. He confessed he was surprised that karma hadn’t caught up with him during his earthtime.

“Ah,” said the angels, “you do realize, don’t you, that everything you stole you stole from yourself?” The thief was silent. “Here,” continued the angels, “your task will be to secretly dispense gifts on those you stole from.”

“Agreed,” said the man. “But what is my punishment?”

The angels smiled. “Your punishment is discovering how joyful it feels to give, and to realize you spent your entire life living without joy.”

Monday, August 17, 2009

Future Tales: Case #781

Staff Reports from Heaven on Recent Arrivals.
Case #781:

A woman, famous for being giving and generous, discovered at one point that her giving came with a hidden motive. She wanted to be loved for her efforts.

The truth was, some loved her and some didn't. When she saw being loved was not an automatic return for generosity, she decided to be more honest. She began giving only when it felt good to do so. All the inauthentic caring flew away, and she felt a hundred pounds lighter. She thought: Apparently, giving for a payoff isn't really giving.

In Heaven, she said: "Oh! Oh! I see the one who didn't love me most was me." Then she sat down in a chair and let the angels braid her hair.